Name: Wei Cao (Kevin)

January 22, 2017

ENG 100

Blog#1

For Alice’s essay, it show us the world faces serious environmental problems, and what people should do to solve the environmental problems. As an introduction paragraph, it may include hook, which can attract people’s attention, and thesis. Alice’s essay have good hook but his thesis is not clearly. When I read the whole essay, I find this essay is talk about two problem, one is trash situation, another is waste electricity and water; however, the author don’t show them in the thesis. I advise him to summarize these two parts and add to thesis.

Second problem for this essay is chaotic structure, in generally, each body paragraph include different supporting idea. Alice’s essay give us a error example that he put his one supporting idea to three body paragraph. In body paragraph 2, he show the trash situation in the beginning and how to solve this problem in the end, but in body paragraph 3 he show the trash situation again and in body paragraph 4 he show how to solve this problem once more, this kind of logic is quite ridiculous. I advice he can put all together and use two paragraph, one show the trash situation, another one show the solution way.

The problem for body paragraph is not finish, as a reader, when I first time read this essay, I thought the author show two supporting idea in his essay, but I found paragraph 6 isn’t related to other paragraphs, it’s about cars pollution. I advise he can add conjunctions in the beginning of this paragraph to show it’s a new supporting idea. Conclusion paragraph plays a critical role in the essay because the author need summarizes the main point of this essay and its significance. Alice’ conclusion paragraph need add summarizes from his supporting idea.